drugs drugs drugs...which are good? which are bad?

BLOG DRUGS!!

Things that work against you when you are crossing the border:
1. Being middle eastern
2. Coming from Latin America where you were working (they hear “business” trip)
3. Spending time in New York where you are visiting (they hear “dropping off your stash”)
4. Having a guitar and wearing a fedorah
5. Being a drug mule.
So all of those things were working against me.

Wait…. Not number 5….

Anyways….sooo. After being out of Canada for 5 months I was returning home. Got off the plane and set foot on Canadian soil. I had been in Ecuador on an internship funded by the CANADIAN international Development Agency….a branch of the CANADIAN government!

The first person I talked to was the customs officer…naturally. I walked up to him all innocently…with my guitar, fedora, ratty clothes, and my nose ring. Yess…innocently.

“Where are you coming from?”
“New York”
“For how long were you there?”
“5 days”
“It says on this form that you left in August.” (red flag #1….being sketchy)
“Oh, right. I was in Ecuador for 5 months.” (red flag #2….forgetting information)
“What were you doing there?”
“Working-“
“Working?”
Geez…let me finish “Working as part of a CIDA internship.”
“CIDA….”
YAH! CIDA…CIDA which is funded by the same people who fund YOUR salary!
…and why does he say CIDA as if it is so sketchy
…or does he just not believe me? I didn’t say CIDA internship as a cover up.

He made some red marks, stamped the customs sheet and said “Thank you.”

Interesting…I was expecting the typical “Welcome home.” Someone lost their manners.

I grabbed my bag and proceeded to the exit. Gave another officer my customs form, and was then directed to follow the yellow arrows. The yellow arrows…OF NO RETURN!
Oh dear!! I am always ALWAYS searched. That is why I emphasized the fact that I was working for CIDA. Ughh….

Then began the questioning…
“Where are you coming from?” Ecuador
“How long were you there?” 5 months
“What were you doing there?” CIDA Internship.
“What?” CIDA INTERNSHIP!!
“What is your final destination?” Here in Halifax.
“What do you do here?” Environmental Education.
“So you claimed $300. What did you spend $300 on?”

My answer: “Gifts mainly. Random clothes. Oh right…and my guitar.”
What I really wanted to say: “Well I was there for 5 months, so after that long you spend some money. FURTHERMORE…on the customs form you say that I can claim $750, so I don’t understand why you are on my case for OVERESTIMATING $300.”

“How do you fund all of your travels?”
My answer: CIDA
What I really wanted to say: “CIDA!!!!!!!!!!!!”

He continued to search every inch of my small backpack. (Which were searched “Randomly” 3 times in Quito) EFF

“Do you have any sharp items?” No
“Any fruits or vegetables?” No
“Have you visited a farm recently?” No (Real answer: definitely….look at me.)
“Any wood products?” No

First he opens the guitar case. Right….the guitar…(red flag….definately a wood product).

Then he opened the big backpack. First thing he came across: some bath leaves that a friend of mine asked me to bring back. They are these “medicinal” rejuvenating bath leaves that are from one of the partner organizations in Ecuador. My housemate in Halifax is obsessed with these bath leaves, and was constantly on my case for bringing her back as many as I could. But at the time, I will admit….I really had no idea what they were.

“What are these,” said the officer pulling out a bag of green leaves. AWESOME.
“Uhh….bath leaves?”
“Bath leaves? What are they for?”
“Umm…you put them in the bath.”
“?”
“Yah…I don’t really know. A friend asked me to bring them back for her. Apparently they are great!”
“Okay.” He took a cloth and rubbed it VIGOROUSLY over the entire bag and then put the cloth through a scanner. Nothing showed up…obviously….or more like THANK GOODNESS considering I didn’t even know what they were for.


Next he pulled out two pipes. Great.

He put the pipes back, no questions. Lucky.

Next was the cosmetic bag.

Unfortunately, this got me scared. I have a necklace of a coca leaf that was given to me for my birthday. I didn’t wear it on the plane because I thought they would confiscate it for sure. I seized up as he pulled out the box with my coca leaf necklace in it.

He opened it up, closed it, and put it away. No questions. Moving on...

He pulled out a tin box. He opened it up and found hair elastics and bobby pins. He dumped them out, rubbed the tin with a cloth similar to the one used before and put it through the scanner. Results: no drugs.

Next was the Diva Cup. He pulled out the little purple bag and started inspecting it, almost looking for a way to open the little pouch.

“Umm…uh…well..i don’t know if you want to…well..um” I stuttered. I didn’t know what to say. I guess this is where someone may say “I’m sorry sir. That is just my menstrual cup.” In my confused state, I was apparently not ready to divulge that information.

Prescription Drugs:
“What are these?”
“Malaria pills.”
“Is that what you used them for?”
I didn’t really know what to say to him.
“Umm…yeah?? Well…not to get malaria. To prevent it.”
“Well, of course!” What? Of course? Nothing is of course with you people.

“Do you have any other drugs in here?” At this point I knew that I have to be completely honest with them, because if they find out that I am not then I am in deep *$%^* (not goodness).
“Yes. These.” I fished out a single white pill which I, at the last minute, noticed was not labelled.
“What are these?”

Real answer: “Well, I’m not sure. It is either Sudafed or immodium.”
My answer: “It is a pill for Sexually Transmitted Infections.”

“Oh. Why is there only one.”
“Cause it was the left-over of the pack.”
“Was this over-the-counter?”

Frantically…. “NOTHING IS OVER THE COUNTER AT ECUADOR.” Geez….i thought I was a decent improviser…but this was very good.

“Okay. I’m just going to quickly scan the rest of your bag.”
Thank goodness. I didn’t want anymore of this.
The officer took the bag and put it through the scanner. He came back. “Thank you miss for your cooperation.”
“Yah…”

“and just so you know, I am very professional. Anything you said to me will be kept confidential.” I had already forgotten that I had convinced him I had an STI, so instead of saying thank you, I gave him a puzzled look, grabbed my things, and began walking away.

"I hear these things all the time..."
Oh shit!! I really hope you DON'T hear those things all the time....

STI...The trump card!

when i wish i understood

i have learned that anyone who tells you they speak any language perfectly is full of crap. I barely speak inglish perfectly, let alone a second language. Having recently left Ecuador, i have decided to mention my two FAVOURITE episodes of misunderstanding...

1) The triple?

I was out at the bar with two of my argentinean friends and as the night was getting late, i was pretty sure i wanted to leave. I told them that i was heading out and they turned to me and said, "no, no! they just announced that there are going to give triples. we will wait for those and then all leave together"

I was not really looking to drink anymore, especially a triple of anything...but i figured if they were going to leave right after the triples then i would just wait for them.

We waited for 10 minutes and then everyone rushed to an area in the bar. I didnt realize what was going on, but then some dude came out and started dancing. Then stripping. (I could expand on this part...but basically there was a stripper...and gross) And then we left.

"Wait...guys? werent you guys getting triples."

I then realized how similar "A triple" sounded like "estripper"

b) Hairy

The awkward moment beforeyou call someone your boyfriend (or your girlfriend, or your partner, or your significant other) is always...well, awkward! When you dont understand what is going on it is even more awkward.

My "boyfriend" was once on the fone with a friend and said "esoy aqui con mi pelada." Silly Ecuadoreans have twenty words for girlfriend, and pelada happens to be one of them.

Pelada literally means pealed, or it is slang for naked, or it means girlfriend.

All i thought was that it meant "pealed" and since he obviously would not be calling me "pealed" (because i am not fruit) i convinced myself that i heard "peluda" which means hairy. So i thought he just called me his hairy girl.

I never really shave my legs and i thought he was referring to that.

We didnt speak for a month after he called me that. eeee....

These were some times when i wish i understood

white food...the final fantasy

i write this post in new york city. i.e. i have already left ecuador and have no more opportunity to discover new "white food."

While that means I am moving to a chapter in my life which shall yield more nutritious and vitamin-rich delights, I am also brought great sadness for several reasons:
a) my discovery of new combinations of oil, carbs, and sugar (some of the most delicious combinations) has come to a standstill
b) i really liked these treats

But I am sure that you are all dying to find out what exactly made the cut and became the last post on the classic series of "White Food"

I discovered this white delight in my last town to discover in Ecuador: Montanita. Montanita is a small little surfing town which is notoriously known for their crazy night life and the energetic people which never sleep....how would they? You cannot really party that hard a night AND surf all the good waves during the day AND find time to sleep. If you do go to bed and wake up early to go surfing, you will surely approach people in the streets or on the beach who are just nearing the end of their night of partying. Party party party...in the real extreme of the word.

To sum up Montanita: It is all sex, drugs, alcohol...and surf!

But if you are up all night partying, naturally you will need some form of alimentation. To me and my friends this means one thing and one thing only when you are in Montanita: Choclo.

Choclo is what Ecuadoreans call white corn. But the fact that this corn is white was not enough to get choclo into the blog.

Choclo is served on stick. Yes....corn on a stick. Which you would typically find strange because it is more difficult to manipulate corn on the cob when it is on a stick than when you are just holding it. Then they brush mayonnaise onto the corn and roll it in shredded cheese.

So there you have it...THE late night cheap treat in Montanita. Corn, mayo, and cheese.

There you have the last entry of White Food.

Provecho.