dear sasquatch...are you ignoring me cause im a beatnik?

Dear Sasquatch,
Please stop ignoring me.
Love,
-maryam

I went to my first Poetry Slam tonight. For those of you who do not know what a poetry slam is, it is a poetry contest. But since poets make very little money and the only way they can validate what they do is by being creative and using their poetic license--thus an average "contest" becomes a SLAM!

one of the lovely parts of the evening, were listening to the guest poets from Vancouver. these vancouverites made me feeel very at home. their poems were much funnier than the torntonian poets (which were much more dark and disturbing...more on that later). for me, this gave them more legitamacy as poets......it was as if they were not afraid of being HAPPY poets. they were so comfortable in their identity as poets that they could break the norm of being the "disturbed, beatnik poet" and could bask in the fact that they were HAPPY doing what they ENJOYED. i think the toronotian poets were still a little unsure of their poetry selves and felt that they needed to really fit the beatnik-mold and pretend they were unhappy before they would be able to admit to the rest of the world that they were generally content with their lives like the rest of us.

dont spread your negativity with US! blame your parents for giving you a generic childhood of playing in the streets and eating peanut butter jelly sandwiches. now i want to hear about a poem about a generic childhood!! (my attempt later)

now when you hear real poetry (and when i mean real poetry, i mean the general poetry you hear which is from beatnik posers who are not comfortable being poets and writing poems that are about being HAPPY) you will usually hear poems about their shitty life, death, love, or a broken heart.

Their shitty life:
Poets are ALWAYS suffering. Apparently their lives always suck. But i still feel like they make their lives shitty as a form of inspiration. Which gives me an entirely new outlook on self-deprecating writing. I mean....i thought i was a self-deprecating writer...but these guys REALLY put themselves down. yeesh. Oh...and poets also tend to live in the shittier parts of town. they use it for inspiration. which is ridiculous because why would you live in a shitty part of town and then go and make it your proffession to talk about living in a shitty part of town? wackos!

Poems about death:
Often include a gun. If the poet is not talking about suicide, they are probably talking about murder. Or they are talking about hell. Or the devil. These poems also often include drugs, most commonly crack or cocaine. Occasionally they will involve marijuana. this is rare, and mostly used in conjunction with one of the other substances and will usually only be mentioned if there is an allusion to abuse of the substance. alcohol...like marijuana, too common to be mentioned, thus will only be mentioned if the poet is alluding to an alcoholic (or being that alcoholic).

Love and heartbreak....
How can you tell if a poet is going to talk about love or heartbreak?
dude=love
dudette=heartbreak

Now before i go further, i will mention that when poets talk about love and heartbreak it is more often than not, heterosexist/heteronormative. Which is very interesting, because poets are progressive almost all the time. In most poems (be it about whatever topic of suffering) will often include satires on politcs, race, religion, etc. They will push the envelope on every controversial issue BUTTTTTTT....guys still like girls and girls still like guys.

Dudes talking about love:
they always compare their lady to an innanimate object. you think they would be original and use their poetic license to talk about something beautiful (you know, conjuring up images of love and whatnot). you think they would write poems that they would want to read to this special womyn. you would think that they write poems that make us swoon, and make us feel loved. you would think that they would write poems that make me look into their eyes. you would think that they would write poems that make me feel unique. well if you want to do all that, stop comparing me to toast!

Dudettes talking about heartbreak:
holy shit! dont mess with these ladies.

Now what are the kind of poems that I would write? The poems like the poem above:

Dear Sasquatch,
Please stop ignoring me.
sincerely,
-me

If i felt incredibly strong about this topic, i would make it a haiku.

So, i know what you are thinking: "maryam, why are you making fun of girls who write about heartbrake, and you yourself are talking about heart break?"
Well...since i am not really in love with Sasquatch and i am making a joke, it is okay. And since i am generally a content person, i will write about my generally content life:

This poem is called: maryam's generic life (insert beatnik snapping and hipster clothing)
When i was five years old my mom gave me multivitamins and i questioned her.
Why was she feeding me the vitamins and minerals i needed in pill form?
i questioned her. i questioned her but only in my mind
only in my mind-for i knew...i knew
that IF i said those words to her face she...
would question....
me....

She would question why i asked and what was my concern
she may even stop giving them to me so that i would stop yapping in her face
and i didnt want her to do that, to change her normal morning routine,
to change her behaviour towards her son and me
to change....
to change.....
to change herself
NO
i didnt want my mom to change herself

she already had so much to think of. and then she would tell my dad and he would worry
he would worry that i may doubt the way they were raising me
or maybe that i would doubt society
or maybe that i would doubt the fact that our pharmaceutical companies are making us injest all these vitamins and minerals so that we can later get tested by a doctor who tells us we dont have enough of a certain vitmain and/or mineral and then makes us go to another doctor who makes us buy bottles of vitamins and minerals and then...
and then....

breathe....
before....
they send you...
to...

a naturopath

but now you have a naturopath giving you pills
and then you are no longer questioning your mom and dad. and you forget how to doubt because by that time the pharmaceutical companies shove those pills down your throat you are too far in to "the system" to think for yourself

but i knew that my parents would never send me to a naturopath...
so i never questioned

END SCENE!

**now lets deconstruct what makes this stupid story a "poem"
1. lines are different lengths and there are at least TWO run-on sentences
2. there is EMPHASIS on certain words (somewhat randomly)
3. it makes my life seem so drammatic
4. i speak of my parents as if they ruined my childhood, giving me legitamcy within the poet world

snapsnapsñapsñapsñap........

***note: the ñ were inserted because now I have poetic license :)