The only family I want to live with is my own

In Otavalo, I rent a room from an old couple. They are always around the house because they own a store on the first floor. Their son, who is in his 30s is always at the house.

When I first rented the apartment, I still had not met the old couple and was discussing all the when-to-pay-rent and what-is-included stuff with the son. After arranging everything he said, “Great! Welcome! You are now a part of the family.”

Aww…that is sweet. “Cool, thanks!”

“Seriously. You are now la hermanita (the little sister).”
“Haha, cool. Well I am already a little sister, so that is a role I play pretty well.”

We had a little chuckle. And I never chuckled again…

I decided I did not want to be a little sister for a 30-year old Ecuadorian. I did not share a childhood with you. I don’t share parents with you. I don’t share a last name with you. And you eat my eggs!

Some familial background
This family likes to have all the new-age gizmos. If you ask me…they are an
Ecuadorian family pretending they live in the United States (as three of their children do live there). How you ask…

1. They have every kitchen appliance under the sun (CuisineArt, KitchenMaid, Juice Maker, and every other unnecessary item), And they only know how to use the stove and a toaster oven.
2. They have Splenda. If you have been reading the White Food series of the blog, you know that Ecuador is land of sucrose…not sweeteners. (Please note that they just HAVE it…they don´t actually USE it. It is just for show)
3. Peanut Butter. Ecuador is also not land of peanut butter either. (also just for show)
4. Maple Syrup. Also…
5. They have North American vitamins.
6. They don’t clean up after themselves.
7. The son prefers the name Jefferson, when his real name is Santiago.

I also get the impression that all of the kids in the family (now adults) made an active attempt to escape to the United States. 3 out of 4 of the kids are married to gringos and now live in the US. The youngest married an Ecuadorian, and together they tried but failed to immigrate to the US. Trying to get out of Ecuador much?

I shouldn’t really talk though….my family is Iranian, and we pretty much all live in North America (except for my aunt who lives in England). What is different about my family though…is that they don’t annoy me. So I don’t judge them 

Annoying story #1
The family also has many appliances which they do not use, maybe because they do not know how or because they are just useless. While a DVD player can be very useful (for activities such as playing DVDs), two DVDs tend not to be more useful than one. I, on the other hand, was confused enough by the abundance of remotes that I wasn’t even paying attention to the multiple DVD players. After 15 minutes of confusion, I finally asked Jefferson how to work the DVD player. He came over and showed me how to use the older of the two DVD players. I guess I naturally figured that they would use the newer of the DVD players and didn’t realize that it was not connected to the TV.

He started laughing and I gave him an awkward chuckle.

He kept laughing. I looked at him with a puzzled look.

He kept laughing. I did not understand why.

He kept laughing. It wasn’t funny anymore.

He kept laughing. It wasn’t even funny in the first place.

He kept laughing. I still did not get it.

He kept laughing. Okay, okay. I know how to use the DVD player. You can go now.

He kept laughing. EFff…I mean, you always laugh at the little sister but this wasn’t even funny.

Annoying story #2
They eat my eggs!

Annoying story #3
I was leaving the house today and the father said “KHELLOO” (that is hello in an awful Spanish accent). He caught me by surprise. He thought this was funny.

He kept laughing. Awkward chuckle.

He kept laughing. Fuck this. I know where his son gets it now.

I left the house, closing the door with a big slam, as he almost fell to the floor laughing…seriously! I left before I was morally obliged to help.

Annoying story #4
They ate my cream cheese and I only found out as I was making the cream cheese icing of my carrot cake.

Annoying story #5
They keep the tacky Christmas music playing all day and all night.

Annoying story #6
They talk to their grown children as if they are talking to 5 year olds…for about an hour. Imagine having your parents talk to you in a baby voice for an hour! I mean, I know that you will always be their son or daughter, but this was too much. Goo-goo-ga-ga

What is particularly interesting about living with a family in another country is that you often learn how to embrace and understand the different culture. I haven’t gotten that feeling; however, I have recently bonded a lot with their maid, Martita. Every morning at breakfast we comment on how weird the family is. Every morning we walk around the house and laugh at the filth they left the night before: they leave soggy bread on the dining table and left over dinner all over the counters. My friends even visited one weekend and said “Wow! You weren’t kidding. They are pretty gross.”

After our morning parade around the house, we begin with the real cultural exchange.

“Try some carrot cake! It is very typical of North America.”
“Ooo…thank you. You have never tried Guava!! Here, have some.”

“WOAH! Did you just chop the head off that chicken!? In the sink.”
“Of course. I do it all the time. Like this…”

Then the family comes in and I continue calling them “Usted” and calling Martita “Tú.” I give her a little wink and I head off to work.

Annoying story #7
Every morning after breakfast they ask where I am going. Every morning I go to work.

¡Bobos!